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Super-surrogate? Uh, no.

2007-05-27

Good morning Boys and Girls.

My dreams have been vibrant and satisfying of late.

Need to spend hours a day writing, but the world here gets in the way, something I find increasingly annoying.

Small chores inspire larger ones, and last night I realized that over the last four and a half weeks I've made at least forty trips to various home improvement stores and spent more hours doing stuff around here than I have either working or writing.

-and worst of all, not only is my golf game suffering, but I'm feeling guilty for feeling that enough is enough is enough. I'm incapable of having so many things on my mind AND feeling the least bit creative.

Even over the winter as I worked on this last novel the list grew and items would be added as I wrote - always only "for my consideration."

There's one true thing I've learned about myself over the decades; it is this: I can juggle a few things at a time. That's normal, and I'm pretty good at it. However, the minute just one too many things finds its way into the rotation, where it takes all my concentration just to keep things in the air, inevitably "the cycle" starts and I begin to find that everything I do, I'm doing less competently and without enthusiasm.

First I'll start concentrating exclusively on the juggling. Then I'll forget what it is I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. That's fine till my own priority pops into my head again and the fact that I'm not spending time doing that thing - cuz I'm busy juggling, well, eventually? Eventually the joy is sapped from life. And really, "eventually," isn't the right word since, because I recognize the symptoms so easily these days, it only takes a few weeks.

Soon I just start dropping things out of the rotation at random as my hand-eye coordination diminishes and my spirits drop like crazy. And if I sense that this is a disappointment to anyone, I just want to go away.

Some people like to fill every waking hour with things to do. I understand that. I've been in that place before - hell, I've been there most of my life - but no more. I want to work and and write and maybe play golf a time or two a week when the weather and budget allows it.

Happily, it's all moot anyway.


Be good to everyone.

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figjam (2007-05-27)
Too bad you're not Super-surrogate because if you were you could wear a cool cape and some tights that matched.

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