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Phone call from Jesus

2007-06-01

Good morning Boys and Girls.

June! You believe it?

A phone call from the other night:

(ring)

"Hello?"

"Hey surrogate. How's it goin?"

"Jesus! Wow... Glad to hear from you. Where you been?"

"Here and there. I've been..."

"Haven't you gotten my messages?"

"Yes, but just recently. Where I was, there wasn't cell phone service."

"Jesus, it's a satellite phone. It works everywhere. Do you know what I paid for that thing just so..."

"surrogate, shut up. It still has to be charged and..."

"Oh come on... You have a crank charger. You can spin the handle for half a minute and get fifteen minutes of service."

"Okay... I lost it. Well, lost isn't"

"Lost it? Jesus... But..."

"(exhales...) surrogate. Look. I was traveling down the Amazon about six weeks ago with a friend of mine on our way to visit a little girl who was very ill and a crocodile capsized our canoe. We had other things to think about for a few seconds there, like getting out of the river without becoming lunch. Let it go, okay? Yesterday I got a new phone exactly like the one you gave me. Same number. So shut up, would you?"

"Oh. Sorry. I...."

"Why do you insist on jumping to conclusions?"

"I don't know, I..."

"Anyway... How you doing surrogate? You finish the novel?"

"Yeah. Been editing a lot and I'm working on that other thing I told you about."

"Is the book any good?"

"I don't know. I've had about six people read it. A couple of folks really liked it, it's been mostly encouraging. Enough about that... I want to tell you about...

(And here I'll cut out for a few minutes. Personal stuff... to which Jesus responded by laughing out loud.)

"Hahhhh! You've got to be kidding! That's hilarious!"

"You S.O.B. You're laughing at me?"

"surrogate, you're older than dirt! Hah!"

"Thanks a lot."

"Oh simmer down. You've got to admit it's funny."

"I know... I know. When are you coming this way?"

"Probably not till early July. You doing a party over the fourth?"

"Hope so. You gonna stay here?"

"Planning on it, if you'll have me."

"Of course. I've got something to show you when you get here."

"Yeah?"

"Got a cat. Roadie"

"Really? Neat. I think that's good for you."

"Good for me?"

"Yeah. (laughing again) Pets are good for old people."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for calling. I have been a little worried."

"Me too... that croc was huge."

"Bye Jesus. Call me more often would you... or a postcard once in a while?"

"I'll try. Bye sur."

(click)





Be good to everyone.

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surrogate (2007-06-02)
I suppose it's not far off, though I don't remember any boxing matches with Satan coming up in conversation.

blak000 (2007-06-02)
Haha, that'd be the most disappointing "meeting with God" ever. I don't know why, but your version of Jesus reminds me of the one on South Park.

Hardcore_Pyro (2007-06-01)
Can you put in a good word for me. I think his assistant keeps losing my messages.

Witqueen (2007-06-01)
WTF? You run out of your meds again? :-)

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