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Time for a song....

2007-06-11

Gooood morning Boys and Girls.

So... It's been a while...

(the spotlight comes up, I walk onto the stage and
into it's glare, shooting a finger gun and winking at
Sneaky Pete and the Boys, who are already working the
beat, crossing easily between a cut-time and an
uptempo waltz beat, as, to a smattering of applause, I
catch the microphone he tosses me as I swagger to
center stage, taking a drag on my cigarette, and
exaggeratedly adjusting my tie. I shade my eyes and
look out at the sparse crowd and speak...)

"Good evening! How ya all doin' tonight? 

(I hear a couple of people mumble a response over the
band.) 

I'm so glad you came out to be with me and the boys
tonight here at the municipal senior center's fifth
annual potluck and craft extravaganza. How was that
roast beef? Pretty darn bad huh? Tasted like chicken,
huh? Oh? It WAS chicken?" 

(I laugh at my own joke, and then take a step back and
lower my voice. I speak slowly and oh so sincerely.) 

"Ya know, a while ago - quite a few years ago now,
really - One night I found myself privileged to be
opening for a guy, who'd opened for a gal, who'd at
one time opened for the opening act for the one and
only Sammy Davis Jr."

(I wait for the automatic applause... I hear a single
clap and move on...)

"..who'd just finished a six month engagement at
Caesar's Palace, out there in Las Vegas, Nevada, the
city that never sleeps, just five years earlier. Well,
le'me tell ya, because of that experience I learned a
little something about the importance of being humble;
modest... gracious." 

(I twirl again and do my patented microphone flip as
the flourished intro finishes, timed just so, and on
the downbeat, as always, to the tune of "My Favorite
Things," I glance down at my shark-skin suit, wave off
any applause and begin to sing...)


"This is a great gig
My career's, on the re-bound
No more old folk's homes
You've dis'covered the "sur" sound

My-name's gon-na be, up in lights once again
I'm finally moving uptown with my friends

(bump bump, ba'do bump bump, doo bump bump, lah-de-
dah)

Tomorrow I'm play-ing
a small get-to-ge-ther
a picnic, for bankers
-if we have good weather

One guy says he knows a guy I should see
I hope the guy he knows ends up liking meeee!

(chorus)
Twen-ty-nine years
work-ing stea-dy
This life can be cruel
My dry-cleaning bill, by itself, costs a bunch
My agent is one lame foooool

(Do bump bump, ba'do bump bump, doo bump bump, lah-de-
dah)

I heard that there's something
called "hip-hop" emerging
But I just can't go there
despite, all the urging

Like rock'n'roll 
it's a fad, it'll pass
Those new kids, "the Beatles?"
Can still kiss my assssss!

(Chorus)
I think this style
has a future
and I'll be, it's king
Just look at the way that I handle this mike
(I flip it again)
-and listen to howwww, I sing!"

(I look out. Is it the spotlight? Nope. The place is
empty. Not a soul.

I look over toward Sneaky Pete, who shrugs...)



Be good to everyone.

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surrogate (2007-06-11)
from the response? I'm guessing a one nighter with an option... -an option not exercised.

Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-06-11)
Will you be here all week?? *Don't forget to tip your waitress! ;D

Barnabus (2007-06-11)
hehe Scared em all away!! Funnnny!!!

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