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I'm dreaming of a ... Wait. No I'm not.

2007-01-16

Good evening Boys and Girls.

Until further notice all snow in the Western part of Michigan shall be required to obtain a permit to fall.

Any snow having fallen without this required permit must immediately cease and desist from laying in any publicly used area and must immediately remove itself to a portion of the landscape unused by humans during the Winter. Only then, with proof of having removed itself, will snow be allowed to apply for and pay in advance for permit #206.3, which may, or may not be issued in a timely fashion. In the event the permit application is denied, the permit fee shall be forfeited.


There are many sections of land that have been set aside and designated by this same act as "permit free zones" where any existing snow, as well as any additional snow with future plans to drop from the sky, may fall freely without filing for, and securing said permit.

These areas include all lake surfaces, parklands (except for paved motorways within park properties,) all farmland, forests, private drives leading to any home valued at more than $500,000.00, and any dormant land adjacent to any residense as long as the sidewalks and drives of the residenses in question are left snow free. Ski areas of all types are permit-free areas as are golf courses, athletic fields and Walmart parking lots.

School District offices may be snowed upon with abandon persuant to Ammendment A. of the Act by virtue of the ratification of the language contained therein by a virtually unanimous voice vote by the area's elementary school student population.

Dog runs on public lands are to remain snow free, but private runs may be deemed either snow-free zones, or permit-free areas. These determinations may be made by either the dog(s) itself/themselves who frequent(s) such runs or, in the case of Cocker Spaniels, Poodles, and other especially stupid dogs, by their owners.

Any snow falling on the parking lots of Churches, Funeral Homes, Hospitals and other facilites used by people in distress is subject to immediate erradication at the whim of any human being whatsoever, and may be plowed, shoveled or melted without so much as a by-your-leave or a lah-de-dah from anyone else on the planet. Further, no sympathy for the removed snow will be tolerated.

If you are snow and feel you need further information to more properly respond to this notification,

-tough shit.

 

Be good to everyone.

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Oz (2007-01-16)
I dont like snow either, but its only snowed 3 times this year where I live. The local ski resort is suffering as does the local economy when we have winters like this.

NICKSTER (2007-01-16)
Good luck with that.

Secret City (2007-01-16)
I like snow. I live in Siberia.

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